I’ve tried to manipulate my partner on more than a few occasions. There I’ve said it. Thankfully, my partner has seen through all of my tactics and has given me a choice – or rather an ultimatum – either I will drop the childish, irritating, and abusive tendencies and grow up, or he will walk away.
I choose to do the right thing: I choose to grow up and wake up to a brutal and ugly truth:
Women are taught how to manipulate men from adolescence.
There are too many men being emotionally abused by women. Many women are well aware of the powers that they have over men and they choose not to change. Soon they become abusers and their small manipulative tactics become abusive techniques that ultimately harm and destroy the men.
Now, I see these women every day. Let’s face it – we are all manipulators to some extent. But there are those who do it consistently, deliberately, and sometimes with a more sinister agenda, not caring about the effect it has on the other person at all.
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is an attempt to sway a person to act in a specific way or feel a certain thing. Manipulation is the need to control things. The manipulative woman can be your sister, your friend, your mother, your daughter, or your friend.
They are everywhere – around us and in society. Mass media encourages women to use different tactics to manipulate men to get what they want. There are so many “how-to” articles directed toward women, and they usually go something like this: “How to make your man listen to your needs”; “How to make your boyfriend jealous”; “How to make him miss you like crazy…” and so on.
I would like women to be more direct. Their insecurities, low self-esteem, fear of failure, and other reasons keep them from being assertive. Many of them, unfortunately, resort to unorthodox tactics to get what they want. Many women play dirty – especially when they want something very much.
I am not saying every woman is manipulative. But the reality is they do exist, and quite often women manipulate more than men. Here are some lesser-known tactics that women use to manipulate their partners:
“You are so so so amazing, babe… Do you know just how amazing you are?”
Normally I give my partner praise from time to time. But when I wanted something from him, I used to repeatedly praise him for the smallest things. In almost everything that he did, I praised him.
Look – praising is good, but when the praise is given too frequently and with an agenda then obviously it becomes a manipulation tactic. My partner is a very smart man so he saw right through me, when I gave him praise three times in a day or twice during one conversation and became too cuddly he would say, “Don’t be sneaky, what are you after?”
My partner knows me too well. I was after something – Valentine’s Day was approaching or Swan Lake was having its premiere so obviously I wanted him to go with me. But why wasn’t I just direct? Why try to trick someone I love so much?
My partner deserves praise, but at the right moment and when it’s honest. Honesty is the foundation of the relationship. Now he knows that when I give him praise I am not asking for anything in return – I am showing him appreciation and love.
When I really want to go with him to the theatre, I ask. And when I really want a gift from him – I ask.
“Have you fixed my computer? Oh well, my good friend will help me when you just don’t have time..”
I used to act as a damsel in distress, so he would be my savior. Looking back, I realize now how childish it was. I didn’t want to accept responsibility, so instead of asking for help or – even better – just growing up and owning it, I would resort to comparing strategies.
When my computer broke because of my own stupidity, instead of asking for help or just taking it elsewhere to fix, I created a whole story where I would remind my partner how he fixed the computer for his friend or co-worker and how if he doesn’t have time my male friend could help me out. Yes, I also added the jealousy card.
Men don’t want to be compared to others. Men want to fix things and provide for their women. The sad part is that my partner would have sorted my computer anyway but I wanted it sorted now, as a priority – so I resorted to manipulation.
I’ve learned to always approach my partner first for help, but most importantly, I ask if he would be able to help in light of his other priorities. Taking him away from work or other duties just to do something for me is not fair. That’s not partnership.
When you truly, deeply love someone you respect their priorities and you wait. If it can’t wait, then you sort it out yourself. Period.
“Whatever you say, babe, you know I always listen to you!”
The good book did not need to specify that women should do this. Any woman who wants to get her way with her man knows that this is one of the most effective ways to get the man to bend to her wishes.
All a man wants is an obedient and submissive woman who will respect and shower him with love. He does not want a boss in the home. When a woman shows obedience to her man, she increases her chance of getting whatever she wants from him through persuasion tenfold. Granted, some men know how to abuse a woman’s obedience and submissiveness, but that will be a subject for another article some other time.
“Everything is okay… really.”
Everyone gets upset sometimes – it’s normal. When I got upset, sad, or frustrated I used to close down and not communicate with my partner, while hoping that somehow he would figure out that something was wrong. What was wrong was my attitude.
I mean all women throw temper tantrums once in a while — some are just better camouflaged. Sometimes there is a real reason for it, but often it can be just acting out. When women throw tantrums just 30 minutes before their partner is due to leave to see friends know that they just want to manipulate the partner to stay.
Don’t let your girlfriend manipulate you, stand your ground – tantrums are unacceptable in a healthy relationship. If she loves you she will understand and change her behavior – there should be no power plays in the relationship.
Some women have become perfect manipulators. They just know how to bend and break men. If you are a woman and are doing this to the man you profess to love – stop it. This will not make your man love you more; quite the contrary, it will ruin your relationship.
And you will never experience true love. Because love doesn’t manipulate. True love doesn’t control.
To avoid being manipulative, communicate in direct, clear, and specific ways. Be direct, be honest, and most importantly respect when your partner says “no.”
Many men find it hard to identify or admit that they are being manipulated. It is not your fault when it happens to you and unfortunately, there is no way to prevent manipulation because it’s an issue of the manipulator.
It’s up to the manipulator to find help. You – on the other hand – can point them towards that door and if they don’t choose to change, then just bluntly kick them out. You don’t need a manipulative woman – you want a partner, equal to you, who walks hand in hand, discusses issues, communicates, and challenges you the same way you challenge her.
To disagree is good, because you are not always right, nor is your partner. Acceptance of that is love and partnership.
