My Journey to Healing: From Trauma to Empowerment with STAR Network

Have you ever felt like you were giving everything – your time, your heart, your energy – only to feel like it was never enough? 

Like no matter how hard you tried, something was always missing? I know that feeling all too well. For years, I questioned myself, wondering if my love was the missing piece. 

I tiptoed around my own worth, walking on eggshells, afraid to face the truth.

As a mother, these questions cut even deeper. We’re taught to nurture, to sacrifice, to give unconditionally. 

But what happens when the love you give isn’t returned in a healthy way? When your efforts seem to make things worse instead of better?

That was my reality until I realized something needed to change. It was in those moments of pain and self-discovery that I met Dr. Jamie Huysman (Founder and the Executive Director of STAR Network), an incredible person who helped me see a new path forward. 

Together, we founded STAR Network – a community for those who’ve walked similar paths, a place where we can heal, grow, and support one another.

Through STAR Network, I learned that love starts with yourself. If you’ve ever felt trapped in a cycle of giving without receiving, know that you’re not alone. 

Let’s turn pain into purpose and find strength in connection. Together.

My Journey: A Child of Unspoken Pain

I grew up with a mother who was difficult to truly know. She was 44 when she had me, an age that was considered remarkable in our country at the time, and in many ways, she was a quiet marvel. 

But there was so much of her life I never knew, a whole world before I came along that remained a mystery. 

We didn’t share much physical time together, and I often saw her through the eyes of a child desperate for more connection, more openness.

She was a woman defined by her fears. Fear of heights, fear of driving, fear of trusting anyone completely. 

Her life seemed to be consumed by a devotion to my father – a devotion that bordered on obsession. 

It felt as though her world was built around holding onto him, terrified of losing him, and yet I never truly understood why. 

As a child, I wondered why she couldn’t just let go of her fears and enjoy life. But now, as a mother myself, I see things so differently.

A Hidden Life Behind the Veil

What I didn’t know then was that my mother was once a woman of incredible strength, independence, and courage. 

She had lived a life that seemed impossible to reconcile with the anxious, self-doubting figure I knew. Before becoming my mother, she had been a daughter of military officials.

My grandfather was a national hero, and my grandmother – my mother’s mother – had been a double agent during the war, risking her life to help Jewish families escape Nazi-occupied Rome. 

A book was written about her bravery, yet I never learned any of this until years after my mother had passed.

My mother had traveled the world – London, Cairo, Moscow, Portorož – living a life full of adventure, speaking four languages fluently. 

And yet, in our shared language, we never fully understood each other. She had once been fearless, riding motorcycles and embracing life with a boldness I could never have imagined. 

But by the time I came into her life, that boldness had been replaced by caution, by a quiet terror. 

What happened to her? Why didn’t she share her past with me? Why didn’t she tell me about the woman she had once been?

So many whys without an answer…

The Mother I Knew

As a teenager, I began to see flashes of the woman she had been – sharp, intelligent, and intuitive. 

She was a lawyer, turning down a prestigious job at 27 to stay with my father, even as he continued to hurt her. 

She was a woman who had once been filled with dreams, and yet she stayed in a toxic, painful relationship because, somehow, love had become synonymous with sacrifice.

Looking back, I see that it wasn’t weakness that kept her in that relationship, but a complicated, tragic form of strength – a choice to hold the family together at the cost of her own peace. 

She never allowed herself the space to heal, and in that, I see the echo of my own struggles.

The Cycle of Hurt: Breaking the Bonds of Trauma

When Dr. Jamie Huysman, a renowned expert in trauma recovery and our founder says “hurt people hurt people,” it resonates deeply with me. 

It’s a stark truth that explains so much of the cycle my mother and I were both trapped in. We both carried wounds from the past – wounds we didn’t fully understand. 

My mother, in her own way, tried to protect me, but the trauma bonds that existed in our family environment were too strong to break without intervention. I now realize that we both lived in a state of constant survival, never truly allowing ourselves to heal.

As a child, I couldn’t have known that I would one day become the one to break that cycle. But as a mother myself, I understand the importance of re-parenting, not just for my children, but for myself. 

Re-parenting is the act of healing those wounded parts of you that were neglected or hurt as a child. It’s about rewriting the narrative that was passed down to you, and for me, that meant stepping away from the trauma bonds that had shaped my relationships. 

I had to learn to re-parent myself – to give myself the love, care, and nurturing I never received as a child.

Breaking free from these patterns isn’t easy. It requires facing the truth of the trauma, the hurt, and the pain. 

It’s about understanding that we don’t have to continue the cycle of pain. We can choose differently. 

As I’ve learned, breaking trauma bonds isn’t just about leaving a relationship – it’s about healing the parts of ourselves that were once broken.

The Power of Support Groups: Healing Together

Like I said, STAR Network was born from the understanding that healing doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in the community. It happens when people come together, share their stories, and support one another in ways that are transformative. 

The pain we carry from toxic, abusive relationships can make us feel so alone, but the truth is, we don’t have to walk this path by ourselves.

STAR Network’s free virtual support groups TAR Anon™ for those struggling with toxic abuse, narcissistic abuse, trauma, and CPTSD are designed to provide a safe space for people to heal. 

These groups are a lifeline for those who have been in toxic relationships and need a place to process, to share, and to find a sense of belonging. 

It’s in these spaces that we begin to rebuild ourselves, piece by piece, as we move from the darkness of isolation into the light of connection and healing.

In our support groups, you’ll find people who truly understand your pain, because they’ve lived it too. You’ll find guidance, tools for healing, and most importantly, you’ll find hope. 

These groups are not just about surviving – they’re about thriving, about breaking the chains of the past and creating a future where you can finally live as your true, healed self.

Reclaiming My Power

Now, as a mother myself, I understand the strength required to make those hard choices. I now see the complexities of my own mother’s decisions – her sacrifices, her fears, and the strength she showed by simply surviving. 

I see the echoes of her in my own life, as I too grapple with the weight of motherhood and the responsibilities it brings. 

But I also see the strength that comes from healing and breaking the cycles that have plagued us for generations.

Breaking free from toxic relationships isn’t easy – it requires support, it requires guidance, and it requires the willingness to face the truth of your worth. 

For me, it took years to understand that I deserved more. But with the right support, healthy people, and the right tools, I found my way out. 

And now, I carry the title of STAR with pride: Survivor of a Toxic Abusive Relationship. It’s not just a title; it’s a testament to the strength that lies within every person who dares to break free from the chains of abuse and reclaim their life.

STAR Network: Why Do We Do What We Do?

At STAR Network and through our project TAR Anon, we believe that no one should ever feel alone in their struggles. We are here to support those who have lived through toxic, abusive relationships and provide a safe space for healing. 

We know that these relationships don’t just affect the individuals involved – they affect entire families, especially children. 

So, if you’ve ever wondered why you’re still in the same toxic patterns, why your relationships feel like you’re walking on eggshells, or why you can’t seem to break free – know this: you are not the problem. You are worthy of love, respect, and peace. 

The journey to healing is long and difficult, but with support, guidance, and the courage to take that first step, you too can rise above the pain and become a STAR.

This is why STAR Network exists – to help you rise, to help you heal, and to help you understand that you are never alone in your journey. Together, we break the cycles and move from pain into strength. Together, we shine!