Why Do Women Lie in Relationships?

In relationships and marriages, women sometimes lie. Not because they seek to deceive, but because they’re navigating complex emotions, societal pressures, and the influence of toxic masculinity. 

While it’s easy to focus on how toxic masculinity harms women, it’s important to recognize that it hurts men too. 

In fact, toxic masculinity creates a damaging dynamic that affects both partners, often leading to dishonesty, emotional disconnection, and unresolved tension in relationships.

How Toxic Masculinity Fuels Dishonesty?

Toxic masculinity refers to the cultural expectations that pressure men to be dominant, unemotional, and in control. While these pressures harm women, they also harm men by limiting their emotional expression and suppressing vulnerability. 

In relationships, men conditioned by these ideals may not feel they can express their true feelings, concerns, or struggles without giving an appearance of weakness or being seen as less of a man. 

This leads to a form of emotional repression that affects their well-being as well as the health of their relationships.

For women, this toxic dynamic can interfere with their ability to be completely honest with their partners, making them feel unsafe. 

They might lie to: 

• avoid upsetting their partner, 
• fearing that expressing their emotions or needs will trigger anger, 
• defensiveness, 
• or emotional withdrawal. 

For example, a woman might hide how overwhelmed she feels by household responsibilities or lie about her dissatisfaction in the relationship to avoid making her partner feel inadequate or incapable.

What Does This Look Like in Relationships and Marriage?

In a marriage shaped by toxic masculinity, the dynamic can be isolating for both partners. Men often feel pressured to maintain a sense of emotional control, even when they’re struggling internally. 

They may believe they cannot express vulnerability, leading to emotional detachment and a lack of intimacy. Without open communication, distance and misunderstanding develop.

Women, in turn, may feel the need to protect their partner by lying about their emotions or needs. 

She might pretend everything is fine when she’s feeling neglected or unappreciated, because she fears that speaking up will result in her partner withdrawing or reacting negatively. 

These lies are often small, like saying “I’m fine” when she’s actually upset, but the lies accumulate over time and prevent genuine emotional connection between partners.

In such relationships, both partners are caught in a cycle of dishonesty, where both feel they cannot fully express themselves without fear of damaging the relationship. This behavior is not just bad for women, it’s also harmful for men.

How Toxic Masculinity Hurts Men?

While women are forced into roles that lead to dishonesty, toxic masculinity also deeply harms men. Men are socialized to be tough and stoic, often suppressing their emotions that can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, or depression. 

Their inability to express vulnerability or seek help when needed can create a dangerous emotional disconnect. Over time, this builds up and can lead to mental health challenges, such as: 

• substance abuse, 
• burnout, 
• or even aggression.

The relationship experiences of men trapped by toxic masculinity can lead to struggles with emotional intimacy. 

They’ve been conditioned to avoid vulnerability and may believe that showing emotion makes them weak. So they withhold their true feelings from their partner. 

This lack of emotional availability can be frustrating and confusing for women, who may feel unsupported or disconnected from their partner.

As men avoid showing their true selves, they can also fail to recognize their partner’s emotional needs. This creates an environment where both people feel emotionally distant and misunderstood, perpetuating the cycle of lying and emotional suppression.

The Long-Term Effects on Both Partners

In relationships defined by toxic masculinity, the long-term effects can be damaging for both partners. 

Women who feel forced to lie about their needs or hide their emotions become emotionally exhausted, disconnected from their own sense of self, and isolated in their relationships. Over time, this creates resentment and frustration, undermining the foundation of the relationship.

For men, the inability to express themselves authentically leads to a sense of emotional detachment and dissatisfaction. 

They may feel misunderstood or emotionally unfulfilled, but because they’ve been taught not to show vulnerability, they may struggle to communicate their own needs to their partner. 

This emotional repression can also contribute to mental health struggles, as men may feel they are carrying the weight of their emotions alone.

Together, these dynamics create an unhealthy relationship cycle – one where both partners feel disconnected and unable to express their true, authentic selves.

Breaking the Cycle – How Men and Women Can Heal Together?

The good news is that this cycle of dishonesty and emotional repression can be broken!

By confronting toxic masculinity, both within oneself and in the broader culture, couples can create healthier, more authentic relationships. 

For men, this means embracing vulnerability and challenging the harmful belief that emotional expression equals weakness. 

By allowing themselves to be more open and honest, men can create deeper emotional connections with their partners and experience more fulfilling relationships.

For women, healing involves recognizing that their emotions and needs are valid, and that they deserve to express themselves honestly without fear of rejection or retaliation. 

This requires both partners to reframe the way they view emotional expression in the relationship. 

It’s not a threat to the relationship’s stability, it’s an opportunity to grow closer and develop mutual understanding.

Both men and women can benefit from creating a space where vulnerability is welcomed and where both partners feel safe to express themselves openly and honestly. 

With open conversations about emotions, expectations, and the impact of societal gender norms on their relationship, couples who can do this work together often find that their bond deepens and becomes more resilient.

STAR Network and TAR Anon – Your Support on the Path to Healing

Healing from trauma and toxic relationships is challenging, but you don’t have to do it alone! 

STAR Network™ offers essential support for those on the journey to recovery, especially those affected by narcissistic abuse, toxic masculinity, and complex trauma. 

One of the key resources STAR Network provides is TAR Anon™, a groundbreaking, trauma-informed fellowship specifically designed to help Survivors of Toxic Abusive Relationships (STARs).

These weekly support meetings offer invaluable tools, coping strategies, and a community that provides encouragement, strength, and accountability. 

TAR Anon is grounded in the principles of the 12 Steps, helping participants reclaim their lives, build self-love, and develop resilience after toxic relationships. 

The supportive fellowship is a safe space where survivors can share their experiences, strength, and hope, knowing they are not alone in their journey.