TAR Anon Steps – ultimately leading to TAR Anon Promises – will help Survivors of Toxic Abusive Relationships (STARs) address their CPTSD, establish boundaries for themselves, avoid TAR Pits, be more mindful of being TARgeted, integrate a trauma-informed approach to befriend their nervous system in all daily activities, reparent their lives, break transgenerational trauma, and understand triggers and red flags to prevent future TAR. The purpose of Steps is to find Awareness, Transformation, and Self-Love.
Through Radical Acceptance, we acknowledged the childhood wounds we carry have shaped our lives, and that repeating patterns of emotional pain and survival no longer serve our authentic selves.
We came to believe that healing is possible through compassion for our inner child, our nervous system, and our human need for safety, self – compassion opens the door to transformation.
We made a decision to create safe spaces—in ourselves, our relationships, and our communities—where truth and healing can emerge.
We courageously explored our thoughts, emotions, and body sensations, recognizing them as expressions of our lived experience rather than defects; feeling the truth beyond our pain.
We spoke our stories, without shame, to compassionate others who could witness us without judgment or rejection. What trauma sealed in silence, healing restores within connection and truth.
We became willing to release false roles, masks, and survival strategies that once protected us but now keep us from living fully. We choose to become who we truly are.
We humbly asked for guidance and support as we re-parented the abandoned parts of ourselves with love, patience, and care.
We recognized where trauma had broken trust and sought to repair, first within ourselves and then in our relationships, where possible and safe.
We made amends by choosing honesty and presence, but without abandoning ourselves or crossing unsafe boundaries.
We committed to ongoing practices of self-regulation—breath, movement, reflection, prayer, or stillness—that bring us back to balance.
We sought deeper connection with our authentic selves through curiosity, meditation, creativity, and spiritual practices that resonate with us. Wisdom and wholeness are accessible to us.
Having awakened to our true selves, we carry compassion into the world, supporting others in their healing journeys while continuing our own. Healing expands when it is shared and service anchors us in our purpose.
Having worked these steps, I now commit to befriend myself and my neurological system in order to find psychological and emotional safety for myself, for the world around me, and for the future generations to come.
