How People Use Manipulation in Relationships – A Closer Look at 5 Covert Tactics

Manipulation is not exclusive to one gender – both women and men can employ manipulative tactics in relationships that can seriously impact the health of any relationship.

While some may use it consciously, others might not even realize they’re manipulating. In this article you will find: 

• how manipulation can manifest in different ways; 
• tools to identify and address toxic patterns; and 
• how to heal from trauma caused by manipulation in relationships. 

Understanding Manipulation in Relationships 

Manipulation is an attempt to influence someone’s emotions or actions for personal gain, often without the other person realizing what’s happening. 

It’s typically rooted in a need for control, a fear of vulnerability, or an inability to directly express desires or needs. 

While manipulation can occur in any relationship (romantic, familial, or even platonic), it’s important to be aware of certain tactics that can slip under the radar.

Both men and women can be vulnerable to manipulation, and it’s essential to recognize these behaviors to maintain healthy boundaries. 

Subtle Manipulation Tactics – How They Work

Manipulation isn’t always obvious. In fact, some of the most effective manipulation techniques are subtle and often disguised as acts of care or love. 

Here are some common ways people may unknowingly (or knowingly) use manipulation in relationships: 

• Excessive Praise with an Agenda
• Playing the Damsel in Distress Card 
• Appearing to Agree While Being Passive 
• Silent Treatment and Withholding Communication
• Emotional Tantrums to Influence Behavior 

We will break down all these forms of manipulation in more detail below.

Let’s get started!

1. Excessive Praise with an Agenda 

Compliments can be a powerful tool in expressing affection and appreciation, but when they’re given excessively or in a way that feels calculated, they can become a form of manipulation. 

For example, someone might shower their partner with praise in an attempt to soften them up for a request, like asking for a favor or a gift. This tactic lowers the person’s defenses, making them more likely to comply without realizing it.

To avoid manipulation, it’s important to give praise genuinely and without expecting anything in return. 

When compliments are offered authentically, it fosters respect and builds trust in the relationship. 

2. Playing the “Damsel in Distress” Card 

Whether it’s acting helpless to get attention or shifting responsibility to someone else, this tactic involves presenting oneself as vulnerable or dependent in order to elicit support or sympathy. 

While asking for help isn’t inherently manipulative, some people may use their vulnerability as a tool to gain power or control in the relationship. 

Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect and shared responsibility. 

It’s important to distinguish between genuine need and using vulnerability to manipulate the other person into taking on an undue burden. 

3. Appearing to Agree While Being Passive 

In some cases, people may use passive responses like “Whatever you say, babe, you know I always listen” to appear compliant, while in reality, they may be pushing their partner to conform to their wishes without addressing issues directly. 

This passive behavior can make the other person feel responsible for decisions or give the illusion that their partner is always agreeable, when in fact they are simply avoiding confrontation. 

This tactic undermines true partnership by discouraging open communication. 

A healthy relationship requires both partners to be able to voice their thoughts and feelings honestly, without fear of passive resistance. 

4. Silent Treatment and Withholding Communication

Another common manipulation tactic is withdrawing emotionally or using the silent treatment when upset. 

Rather than directly expressing dissatisfaction, some people may resort to ignoring or avoiding their partner in an effort to manipulate them into taking action or offering an apology. 

This creates an unhealthy power dynamic where one partner controls the emotional environment of the relationship. Effective communication involves addressing concerns openly. 

If someone is using silence as a weapon to manipulate the other person, it’s important to recognize this as a toxic behavior and address it immediately. 

5. Emotional Tantrums to Influence Behavior 

Throwing temper tantrums or creating emotional drama is a tactic sometimes used to manipulate a partner into staying, feeling guilty, or changing their plans. 

This type of behavior can be especially damaging if it is used to control the partner’s actions or prevent them from pursuing their own interests. 

In a healthy relationship, partners are able to express their emotions constructively and without resorting to emotional blackmail. 

Manipulative behavior like this can undermine the foundation of trust and respect, which is essential for a healthy partnership. 

How to Heal from Manipulation

Recognizing manipulation in relationships is the first step toward healing, but it’s important to remember that recovery from toxic dynamics takes time and support. 

Healing from manipulation, trauma, and toxic relationships can be incredibly challenging, but you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. 

STAR Network™ is a vital resource for those working through the emotional aftermath of manipulation and toxic relationships. 

STAR Network offers TAR Anon™ support meetings, which provide invaluable tools, coping strategies, and a compassionate community to help individuals on their path to healing. 

These meetings offer a space for those affected by toxic relationships to share their experiences, find encouragement, and gain strength as they work through the trauma caused by manipulative behaviors. 

Whether you are healing from a toxic romantic relationship, family dynamic, or any situation where manipulation has occurred, STAR Network can be an essential resource. 

Joining their support groups can help make the healing process feel more manageable when you’re walking alongside others who understand and support you.

A Final Piece of Advice – Move Forward, Build Healthy Relationships!

The antidote to manipulation is clear and direct communication. 

The foundation of any healthy relationship is mutual respect and the ability to express needs and desires openly and honestly. 

If manipulation is present in a relationship, it’s important to recognize it, set boundaries, and have a direct conversation with your partner. 

Relationships should never be about one person controlling the other – they should be about two equals who communicate, compromise, and grow together. 

Embrace the journey of growth and self-awareness, and remember that moving forward means prioritizing connections that bring out the best in you.